conflict is the new black.
If you’ve never had a proper chew on the cheese of conflict, I highly recommend reading my strategies below - it’s a skill that will change your life. Don’t worry if you struggle to make eye contact; or you feel too anxious to resolve your shit face-to-face. A phone call can capture tone and intent, and it’s a fab way to practice sitting in the discomfort of self-expression.
Here’s a simple three-step approach for tackling any crap convo:
Speak for yourself, fam. Resist the urge to pull other people’s opinions forward to justify your angle.
Own your feelings: “I feel pretty crap when you nag me into doing something, instead of just asking me if I have capacity.”
And if you really want to elevate the chat, bring in some quiet strength, formerly known as kindness.
When it comes to conflict, we often fall into the trap of telling others how they should or shouldn’t feel. I am kind of mind blown that many people still can’t understand the fact that you can’t dictate someone else’s feelings. It doesn’t matter if you think they’re too soft, stupid, or emotional; feelings are a personal event. No amount of judgment is going to change that. Online platforms seem to crank up the volume on this shaming of feelings. We get to judge and criticise written words while completely disconnecting from the humanity behind them.
When someone stands in front of me during a conflict, I see the whole picture: their quirks, their strengths, and even the bits that aren’t so loveable. I see my own flaws reflected back, along with their inner child just trying to ‘get it right.’
Let’s bring back genuine communication and embrace the messy stuff.
Let’s make conflict cool.
